No Regrets
by heathah
Summary: Cassidy reflects over the happenings of the past five or so years, based on the storyline available at our (my friend and I's) website (EVIL: Denounced!; Find the link in my profile if you CARE enough to actually understand what's going on}.


_Scrreeeeeeeeeee..._

My hand on the knob, I had softly turned and pushed ever-so lightly at the wooden door... The porthole to room number one-hundred and fifteen. My room. Our room, actually. It had been my room originally, but how could I possibly refuse him...? It was he who had... nearly refused me; half a decade ago. I suppose he might have felt odd about it. Overwhelmed. Maybe even a little scared...? Who really wanted to room with someone... carrying another man's child? Now that I think about it, I probably wouldn't have been too keen on rooming with myself at the time either. I was an absolute mess. I cried... so much... those nine months. And maybe that's why he stayed. Before that moment in time, I had never cried... but maybe twice...? I can't even be bothered to remember. Since it was such a rare emotion, seeing it worried him. He doesn't like it when I'm upset... and he never has. Maybe that's why he stayed. I needed a companion... and he cared for me enough to get over our previous differences... to see past the issue at hand... and see to it that I was okay. Throughout all of it, he was the only one that had ever treated me human. He understood... that I had never wanted to... that I had never, **ever**...

I shake my head, taking a step into the room as a soft luminescence greets my lamps. Even through my boot, I can feel the plush red carpet as I tiptoe inward, quietly shutting the door behind me. My eyes travel across the room... to the great lump of semi-strewn sheets atop the bed. I study the mass for only a brief moment before I find my lips curving up into a smile. He lays, obediently, upon the left side of the king sized mattress, consciousness completely gone from him at the moment. Nothing obstructs the right side, save for his right arm, lightly clutching the cordless receiver of our telephone.

"Hmhm." I laugh as I make my way to my wardrobe. He was worried about me. And why not? I quickly turned my eyes to the bedside clock, silently questioning the hour- six minutes past midnight. I raise my eyebrows, pulling my silken gown from its hanger. Is it really that late already? Hmm... Now I feel slight remorse. I had told him that I would be back no later than ten o' clock. It was supposed to be a simple meeting... But that, of course, had been a lie. Everything that _he_ ever says is a lie. His entire life, for that matter, is a lie. I always feel horrible when I bring her to stay with him... That's what tonight had ultimately been for, after all- her weekly passage from my chamber to his. But just like every other time... I had reluctantly let go of her tiny hand... and watched her run, grinning, into his arms. Oh how naive... and vulnerable she is. I wasn't worried about him hurting her... I knew that, strangely enough, the small bit of love he was capable of had been spent on her. I was just worried about... her mind. As I always am. ... I had never expected to have my first child this early. And I had certainly never expected it to be... with someone I absolutely loathed. Anger always fills me when I think of... what he is doing to her now... and what he will continue to do... to make sure his plans are carried out. She's simply another player in his master plan. Not quite a queen, but growing to eventually take the spot. He's the king in the game. Me... I don't know what I am to him. I was the queen for those grueling nine months... but the title has since then been stripped from me. I'm now, it seems, a lowly pawn. And that's fine. I only wish that I was not associated with him at all. But fate was always cruel to me. And it was certainly not any less merciless this go-around.

I pull off my gloves first, now, pearly articles removed first, finger by finger, and then a final tug to release my arm, the twin following in the same fashion. I watch the still shadows upon the wall now, fighting to keep my ever-tiring eyes occupied. As I place my gloves, side by side, into my top dresser drawer, I see the shadow against the far wall stir. My eyes travel to him now, as he stirs a bit, phone falling from his limp grasp. I can hear him moan a bit as he... softly caresses the right side of the bed, treasure he seeks still far from him. I smile. How cute. Using this as a notion to hurry up, I quickly lean against the wall, removing my boots carefully, so as not to trip clumsily and wake him. I set them by the foot of the dresser, and then pull back, standing tall and extending my arms over my head to remove my uniform. Slowly, the cloth slips over my head and hair as I tug upon the sleeves. After a few short moments of these acrobatics, I have removed it and thrown it to the floor. I sigh, and turn to my gown, picking it up and holding it close to my bare skin.

As I ready myself to don my sleep wear, my eye catches sight of a small shimmer. My head turns down to follow the source of the overwhelming luster, and I... smile, raising my hand to my collarbone to feel the symbol of my undying love... My ring. My _wedding_ ring. Not that there was an actual wedding... it would never be allowed. Oh, had it been up to me, there certainly would have been a wedding. But... the marriage of two partners is completely against regulations. Simple love is discouraged as well... and, well, we weren't going to keep our own hearts just because of his worthless rules. I knew he could never expel of me from Team Rocket... as much as I might have wanted him to. In fact, I dreamed of it. And I still do. If it weren't for our child, I would have no reason to stay here... to be continuously tormented. Then again, if it were not for her, I would have never felt such undying contempt for him and everything he stands for as I do now. I stare sadly at my shimmering ring, moving it through the air as it stays close to me, upon its chain. Its his fault that I cannot wear it as I so desire to- upon my left ring finger, proudly, proclaiming my love to all. He can never know of our fondness... our passion. At least, not on this level. It must stay secret... bound, similarly to the way my ring swings upon its chain. The ring is my heart... and the chain... is his rule.

I shake my head, noticing the slight chill in the air. I pull my arms through my gown, and let gravity pull it over my body, the hem falling just at mid-thigh. I lean down and snatch my uniform from the ground, holding it out before me to... study it, blankly, before slowly trudging to my wardrobe to set it upon a hanger. My eyes trace over the vibrant crimson R as I search for a hanger, brows dipping at the familiar bends and curves of the letter. Never, as a child, had I ever expected to be in eternal servitude of it. Even when I had come here... first... so many years ago. I had heard Team Rocket was forever, but I had simply excused the thought as a supportive... catch phrase, if you will. But never had words seen such truth until now. Whoever had said this... hadn't lied. I'm stuck. The letter I wear upon my chest every day is no longer just a part of my uniform. It has branded me. Even when I am not wearing it, it seems to... stare back at me, crimson against onyx, mocking me for these events that I never saw coming... as if they were as plain as the letter itself. And even now, as I quietly slide shut the doors of my wardrobe, I can feel the hatred... the corruption... the absolute evil radiating from it. Team Rocket is my life. I wish with all my heart that it weren't, but it is, and that's just a fact that I cannot help.

My turn myself back towards the bed now, fighting to catch a fresh breath from the toxic thoughts poisoning my mind. And seeing him lying there... sleeping peacefully... helps greatly to set my mind at ease. He would never want me thinking these thoughts. That's why he's here... to make sure I am happy. At this, I flash a soft smile to his sleeping eyelids, giving him his prize. I gently lean over, and pull the phone from the bed, setting it down upon the edge of the nightstand. I tilt my head down a bit now, fishing through the air for the switch to the lamp. After only a moment of searching, my fingers close securely around the cord, and I tug. With a soft 'click!,' the room is completely extinguished of light... and I sigh in relief. There. I am completely ready... for this night.

Pulling the comforter and sheets back, I climb into our bed slowly... hoping not to disturb him. I lightly scoot my way over to him, both seeking comfort from him, and giving him the stronghold he desires. I study his face for a few short moments; his slightly-strewn teal hair falling delicately over a lax brow, lids closed 'neath it... his cheekbones, soft but prominent, bridged together by his nose. And finally... his lips, tinged a light-rose, etched just above his chin. Finding no hesitation, I gently bring my hand to his cheek... and my face closer to his. I study his eyelids, tranquil as they are, caressing his jaw line. I then slowly lift my head, leaning upon an elbow... and bring my lips to his... to kiss him softly, and tenderly for a few moments. Words never could and still cannot describe the feelings surging through my body when I kiss him... even when he is sleeping like the angel he is, unable to kiss me back. A second or two passes before I pull away from his lovely face... and I am elated to see, for the first time in so many hours, his warm brown eyes. He is awake now. I blush a little, and pull my hand from his face, setting it upon the bed sheets.

"Sorry to wake you." I whisper. He chuckles lightly, and lifts his head to kiss my cheek.

"Waking up to your kiss is nothing to be sorry for, love." He whispers back lovingly, raspily... his voice. My second joyful re-greeting of the night. I love it so. It saddens me to know that he thinks of his vocals as an ear-sore, as I know he does. I truly cannot imagine him with any other voice either than this one that I have grown to love, and would not want it any other way, either than to hear it... and the love it proclaims. I am in love with his voice... with his eyes... with him. This man. I love him... so much. Everything about him is flawless to me. Absolutely... everything...

I yawn suddenly.

"Sleepy?" He asks, bringing his left hand to my nearest one. I smile coyly, snuggling into him at this invitation.

"A bit. Long evening... you understand." He nods.

"I do. I waited for you to call... I had started to get worried there for a minute..." His gaze turns serious now. His tender eyes now question the content of the meeting. He wants to know... how things have gone. I smile reassuringly, giving him all the comfort he needs in the matter. I cannot help but giggle a bit, bringing my index finger to his nose to playfully tap him.

"I know. I saw the receiver. Hmhm. Don't worry. Now that I'm back, everything's fine." I say, nodding once to let him know that he need not question it. He smiles widely... and wraps his arms around me suddenly, pulling me close. I laugh, and tickle him a bit as he does, grinning childishly as he romps with me beneath the crimson covers. Our laughs harmonize now and then, and I am filled with a deep fondness every time that I hear their music. I tickle him just a bit more now, and rub my shin lightly against his. He grins suddenly, and grabs me gently, pulling me atop him. I gasp a bit at the change... but then smile softly, bringing my fingers to his collarbone to gently massage the area. My heart is warmed to see the seemingly faint glow of his ring upon his chest, hung identical to mine. The two pieces of jewelry now touch as I lay atop him, rubbing at his neck... and shoulders... and chest. He moans just a bit, and I look up into his eyes, grinning.

"Oh... my Butch likes that... does he?" I ask, winking. He nods, returning my grin with one of his own, his teeth showing.

"Yes ma'am. A whole hell of a lot, too." I laugh as he says this, and when he brings his arms up suddenly, to my head, I smile softly. I purr lightly as his fingers circle through my hair at the base of my head, his other hand gently rounding out my cheek bone with his thumb. I lift one of my hands from his chest to the hand upon my face now... and I gingerly pull it towards my lips, kissing it softly. He smiles at me... and pulls my wrist down gently. His hand returns to my face... to cup my jaw. He cradles my head... and helps me to lean my neck forward, eyes closing, to kiss him again. I cannot help but shudder now, as the passion melts its way down my spine. This ritual of ours... so often practiced... will never, ever grow old to me. Nothing about him will ever lose its luster. Every touch will be the first... every kiss anew, just like the day he proclaimed his love to me, and I to him. Our lives continually change, but our love will not. It will stay.

After a few tender moments of kissing... I feel his arms beginning to become heavy upon my neck. I reluctantly pull away, and gaze into his eyes. Sleep is evident in them. And I am tired myself.

"I think its time we went to sleep." I suggest, looking over at the clock. Twelve-thirty. We are to be awake at seven the next morning, and no later. His tired eyes seem to share this thought with me, a twinge of sadness evident now. I smile sympathetically, and gently kiss his jaw-line. I then pull back and meet his gaze one last time for the night.

"If we have to..." He whispers. I lean down a little, and wrap my arms around him, just beneath his own arms. I kiss his chest.

"We do. But don't worry." I yawn, laying my head down upon him now. Funny how I find more comfort here... nestled against his hard chest... than I do, basking in the wealth of a goose-down pillow. But then again, I think... maybe it isn't so funny after all.

"I'm not going anywhere." I whisper, nuzzling him just a bit before allowing my head to lay idle. Though I cannot see his face, I sense his smile as he wraps his arms around me, pulling the comforter up just below my head.

"I love you, Cassi." He whispers, after a few moments of silence. I smile, closing my eyes. Every moment of my life... every hardship, every misfortune, every moment of bad luck... absolutely everything... was worth it... for him. For these words he never hesitates to tell me. Three syllables... uttered in his voice... are enough to take away all of my negativity. Once again, I'm through being cynical. No regrets... I am all that matters to him... and it is the same when turned to my perspective. I find no qualms with delivering to him these same three words, not one inkling of tenderness spared. I sigh peacefully as my subconscious tugs at my mind to become dominant. I allow myself to fall from reality now, mind captivated by his rhythmic breathing and heartbeat. With my final speaking breath of the night, I return his promise... just as I have so many times before. My heart... my eternal gift to him.

"I love you too."


End file.
